Today I received a postcard, addressed personally to The Cranky Professor, advertising Laser Vaginoplasty.
The first thing a thought was “OK, who’s been telling tales about my dainties…who put me on this list?” My husband said it was because of where we live, which is within 5 miles of the porn capital of the world, but I think he was just trying to humor me.
And then I thought…really? This is another thing I have to worry about? In addition to keeping my flab, my wrinkles and my gray hairs all at bay, now I have to worry about the landscape below the Mason-Dixon?
I’m blaming all of this on Brittney Spears and Paris Hilton. They’ve groomed themselves so they look like 10-year old girls down there. Now it’s really on display. Hair hides a lot of stuff…there’s a reason why we have it. An anthropology professor at my school said it has to do with pheromones or smells or something and also reducing friction or chafing. I’m not saying that we have to look like cave-women, but c’mon!
Why, I remember the days when men were just excited to get a gander at any vagina, no matter how ungroomed or lopsided. If you had a vagina, you knew the power it held. Now, as one website reads:
“Laser Reduction Labioplasty can sculpture the elongated or unequal labial minora according to ones specification. Most women tell us that they do not want the small inner lips to project beyond the large outer lips… . Women tell us that they want the skin to drape neatly over the clitoris.”
– http://www.drmatlock.com/dlv.htm
OK, who are these women? Who has time to squat over a mirror and decide that their skin isn’t draping neatly enough over their entertainment center? Is there some man who is telling them their vag isn’t pretty enough? I would say to that man that if you’ve got the time and energy to critique you’re partner’s bits and bobs, you’ve got too much time and energy. Go change a lightbulb or take out the trash and be thankful you’ve got someone who will give you access to a vagina.
Word!
Comment by Ana Mendez — May 25, 2009 @ 2:35 am
You can also get your backdoor bleached. Wouldn’t want that to be unsightly either.
Comment by lvintennessee — May 25, 2009 @ 9:42 am
perfect photo!
Comment by Cristen — May 25, 2009 @ 4:56 pm
funny.
Comment by Melissa — May 26, 2009 @ 12:15 am
In my opinion and I have many, you have to be suspicious of any man who desires the hoo-hoo of a five year old, you also have to beware of a woman who calls her Vajay-jay a hoo-hoo. I understand they tighten them these days, lift them and make them…Jesus, I don’t know, more what? I mean can someone tell me what the prototype is for the perfect c*nt in 2009? I know in the 19th century Prostitutes used to sew stitches across their labia to make the area harder to penetrate, the area would also bleed, making the man think he was bedding a virgin in a whorehouse and she’d have been paid a pretty penny for the pleasure, but who’s paying for it now huh? Who are these women mutilating their fannies to be prettier in pink?
Comment by LISA HELWIG — June 2, 2009 @ 12:10 am
YES! THANK YOU!!! Those last few sentences say it all.
Comment by Shannon Dagher — June 7, 2009 @ 6:21 pm
Designer Vaginas – can you also Plastic Penises?
Comment by Carla — June 13, 2009 @ 3:53 am
web host…
Site development for YouTwitFace , a parody website, began at the beginning of April and is still under way….
Trackback by web host — June 27, 2009 @ 11:05 am