The Cranky Professor

There are basically two ways to make money with a newspaper:

1.  Sell advertising

2.  Sell subscriptions

Somewhere between numbers 1 and 2, there is a profitable sweet spot.  Lower the subscription rate, and theoretically you can garner more subscribers and stick it to the advertisers to make money, because you’re delivering a giant audience.  Charging more for subscriptions can be profitable, but you’ll lose some folks in the bargain.  Lose too many subscribers and you can’t charge so much for advertising.

Well, apparently the Daily News is having trouble finding the sweet spot.

I will be mailing the following letter Monday:

May 11, 2009

Edward R. Moss

Publisher and President

Los Angeles Daily News

P.O. Box 4800

21860 Burbank Blvd. Ste.  200

Woodland Hills, CA  91367

Dear Mr. Moss,

Congratulations.  You got me.  I give up.   I will forever be your unwilling subscriber.  What I want to know is whether this some sort of premeditated, fiendish plan?  Let me explain:

A week ago, I received a letter from the Daily News saying that although I purchased a pre-paid subscription, I will be billed me an extra buck a week because advertising has dropped off due to the economy.

The letter said that I’d soon be receiving a bill for this extra amount.  If I didn’t wish to continue under these new terms, I could call and cancel my subscription.

It isn’t the cost that bothers me.  It’s the fact that I shouldn’t be made to pay for the Daily News’ marketing mistake.  If you can’t afford to deliver the newspaper and make a reasonable profit while allowing for dips in advertising income, then that’s a problem with your business model.  Why should I have to pay for that?

I called the number to cancel.  I touch toned my way until a voice said I’d be transferred to a customer service representative.  The voice said I might hear some clicking while I’m being transferred.  I heard a click.  Then I heard a dial tone.  This happened 4 times.

So I went to the Daily News website, I logged in to my account and I sent customer service an email.

An anonymous representative responded the next day by telling me that I can’t discontinue my service by email.  I have to call.

Now, I must admire the genius of this system.  Who runs your organization?  Mr. Burns?  Does Homer work in customer service?

The email I received suggested that I could subscribe to the electronic version of the paper for $65 a year.  This strikes me as an odd suggestion, given your online capabilities over at the Daily News.  I mean, I can do all my banking online, but you don’t have the technological ability to cancel my $20 subscription over the web?

I guess the purpose of this letter is to figure out if you’re all a bunch of diabolical masterminds over there at the Daily News or if you’re just a bunch of lucky assholes.

Sincerely,

The Cranky Professor

I’ll let you know what happens.

PS:  Here’s a particularly goofy picture of Edward R. Moss and an article naming him something called a “BJ Publisher.”

Followup:  They kept sending me bills, some threatening to cut off delivery and send me to collections. At the same time, salespeople were calling my house to try and sell me a new subscription.  Eventually everything stopped — the phone calls, the bills and the paper delivery.